Giving yourself full permission

Last month I went to an event called, "It's Okay to Not Be Okay."

As I was leaving the event, ironically feeling drained from talking too much about wellbeing, this thought popped into my head, why do we even still feel the need to say, ‘it's okay to not be okay?’ 

It should be obvious.

You are human and a certain experience or trauma has caused you to feel depressed and/or anxious (or whatever you may be feeling). That is a completely reasonable feeling to have. However, it seems that we are not being given full permission to feel this is acceptable.

The only place we are really given full permission is with a therapist, and even then I would say it’s still hard. So then I thought, the full permission that we need to give is with ourselves.

My experience with therapy has been varied. The first time I did counselling was when I was six years old, my parents had just been divorced, and my mom thought a group therapy session would be helpful. All I can remember is, it’s not your fault, which to be fair is quite good.

As an adult experiencing PND, dealing with depression, I was offered talk therapy which, to be honest, I found quite frustrating. There was a lot of uncertainty and cyclical behaviours that I could never figure out, and as an inherently introverted person, ‘talking’ about my problems wasn’t something that came naturally to me.

And let’s face it, therapy can be hard, it isn’t necessarily something that gives you a play-by-play of what is going to happen and whether you will get better (although success rates are typically high +85%). As a person who has made an entire career in planning, this is quite scary, it’s like swimming in the deep end without floaty armbands.

Some days I realise, oh wait, I can swim. Other days I’m pretty much drowning.

This brings me to the main idea for the week: what I didn’t realise was that therapy is not just talking about your feelings (talk therapy), there are many different types of therapies that exist.

At the end of last year when Dad was in hospital, my sister shared her experience of EMDR therapy. After he passed away in Jan and I couldn’t handle life, I decided to test this out. So far, I have found EMDR to be much more profound than anything else I have ever done. When I get through the entire experience I will share this in a newsletter. There are eight stages and I am in phase three. Here are the benefits:

So, in a nutshell, I feel that everyone should know:

1. Therapy is for everyone, it’s not just when you have a problem.

2. Let’s give ourselves full permission to feel the bad stuff.

3. What works for you may not work for me. There are MANY different types of therapies (it’s not just talk therapy)….

I wanted to list out the many different types of therapies available because in my experience, nobody told me this (!) so I’m hoping it will be helpful for you too:

• EMDR Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (which I will go into in more depth once I’ve gone through all phases) therapy is primarily used to help individuals who have experienced trauma or PTSD, but more recently therapists use this more widely to help individuals of all ages heal from all histories of trauma. The bilateral stimulation used in EMDR facilitates the brain's information processing system, allowing memories to be reprocessed in a more adaptive way. The process helps to link the distressing memory with more positive or neutral associations, thereby reducing the emotional intensity and negative beliefs associated with the memory. Read more here

• CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy): CBT focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviours that contribute to psychological distress. It emphasises the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Read more here

• Psychodynamic Therapy: This type of therapy is based on the idea that our unconscious mind influences our thoughts and behaviours. It aims to explore unresolved conflicts and past experiences to gain insight into current issues. Read more here

• Humanistic Therapy: Humanistic therapy emphasises self-exploration, personal growth, and self-actualisation. Therapists provide a supportive and nonjudgmental environment, helping individuals tap into their own inner resources and potential. Read more here

• Family Therapy: Family therapy involves working with families or couples to improve communication, resolve conflicts, and enhance their relationships. It focuses on understanding family dynamics and how they impact individuals. Read more here

• Couples Therapy: Also known as marriage or relationship counselling, couples therapy helps couples address issues, improve communication, and strengthen their relationship. It can be useful for couples facing conflicts, infidelity, or significant life transitions. Read more here

• Gestalt Therapy: This therapy emphasises personal responsibility and self-awareness. It focuses on the present moment, helping individuals gain insight into their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours through experiential exercises. Read more here

• Mindfulness-Based Therapies: These therapies incorporate mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and breathing exercises, to cultivate present-moment awareness and reduce stress. They can be used in conjunction with other therapy approaches. Read more here.

• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT combines mindfulness techniques with a focus on accepting one's experiences and committing to actions aligned with personal values. It aims to help individuals live a more fulfilling life while acknowledging and accepting difficulties. Read more here.

• Exposure Therapy: is a psychological treatment approach that involves systematically confronting feared situations or stimuli in a safe and controlled manner. The goal of exposure therapy is to reduce anxiety and fear responses by providing repeated and gradual exposure to the feared stimuli, allowing individuals to learn that the anxiety or fear is unwarranted or manageable. Read more here

• Art Therapy: Art therapy uses various art forms, such as painting, drawing, and sculpting, as a means of self-expression and exploration. It can help individuals communicate, process emotions, and gain insight into their thoughts and feelings. Read more here

This is not an exhaustive list! You can search for more of the different types of therapies and counsellors here.

Sending much love,

Meagan

as always you can stay up to date @megandtheboys