Magic or not?

I’m going to share a new idea this week that is somewhat controversial. It’s only legal in California, Oregon, Washington and a few other states in the US, or for instance, if you are in a supervised clinical trial.

So yes, if you haven’t guessed already, I’m talking about micro-dosing psilocybin.

This isn’t necessarily a new idea, Silicon Valley has been raving about this therapeutic tool in which mother earth has so graciously grown for us for a couple years. It’s only until now that people are starting to sneakily try it for themselves. Myself included. 

So here’s the deal, I’m going to share the scientific view (which seems sadly inconclusive) and then I will share my own experience (about four months of micro-dosing). 

The scientific view

Research from Johns Hopkins University about psilocybin, the active ingredient in hallucinogenic, or “magic,” mushrooms found in a small study, full doses of the drug helped cancer patients cope with depression and anxiety. 

Then he read anecdotes of Silicon Valley influencers claiming increased energy from taking tiny doses of psychedelics. So he decided to start micro-dosing a few times a week, eating a “small nibble” — about half an inch — of mushrooms to see if it would improve his mood.

My personal experience

Context:

If you’ve been reading my newsletter for a while, you will know I have been dealing with anxiety and depression. At the beginning of this year, my Dad, who had been struggling with intense alcoholism (and I believe mental health problems that I’m still not clear on), passed away in a very traumatic way on New Year’s Eve. 

I had already been taking anti-depressants for about a year. When Dad died I felt like I needed to fully process his death and I felt like the anti-depressants had not been working (I also gained weight from them), so I decided to stop taking them. 

A few months after Dad passed away, I was crying almost every day but I did not want to go back to anti-depressants. Sometimes they feel like a band aid to me rather than an actual cure. So, in my search for another solution, alongside more natural cures like yoga and meditation and breathwork, I found micro-dosing through a friend.

Micro-dosing experience:

I picked up the pack of “supplements” from my friend. She is a psychologist and ceremony healer with a lot of credentials in natural therapeutic techniques. She said I would need to take one each day for five days and then have a break for two days. Your body naturally gets used to it quickly so it’s important to take breaks in between. 

The first day I took the micro-dose I felt like it hit me quite hard. I had that “coming up” feeling and I was worried it was too much for me, but it slowly simmered and the world became a bit more magical. The lights in the house beamed and I started to notice my surroundings more than usual. I was more present. 

The next day I took it again. I was determined for this to provide some sort of opening up. I became much more aware of the negative thoughts I was having and how silly, or unreal they seemed.

Two weeks later, I wrote this in my diary:

“I feel more clear, as if this emotional weight has been lifted. There has been a big, heavy weight that has been holding me hostage, slowly pushing me down this hole. This hole of thoughts and feelings that don’t serve me, instead they keep me down. I don’t need to let this keep me down anymore.”

A month later, I noticed I was much more in tune with my body and my thoughts in a way I had never felt before. Essentially, the complete opposite to what antidepressants do - this blocking of feelings. Instead, I was able to deal with my feelings head on. 

Two months later I wrote this: 

“I have been focusing too much on what I think I should be doing, or what I think other people think I should be doing, instead of doing what I actually enjoy.”

I wrote this also:

During this time, I was also going to EMDR therapy (read about this here) so there are definitely other factors to my growth. It is not solely because of the micro-dosing I had these realisations about the inner workings of my mind. However what  will say is that micro-dosing definitely had a positive effect on my wellbeing because I was able to recognise more clearly, with less anxiety and doubt, what was coming up for me in these sad moments. 

I eventually decided to take a break from this re-awakening because, let's be honest, it’s very hard to be completely open in this modern world. But I do believe if we can at least give ourselves little moments of peace through awareness and presence then we should be able to collectively feel more connected to our world and ourselves.

Experiment potential for anyone who is interested, I’m here to chat. Of course this may seem like a more extreme act of healing compared to meditation or yoga however as I stated I found it quite useful.

Sending much love, 

Meagan