You do You - but are you in touch with how you're really feeling?

My mother, never the type to hide her emotions, scowls at me as she waltzes into my Beauty and the Beast themed room. I’m wearing a big white t-shirt that falls past my pale knees, baggy skater shorts, and a backwards hat to cover my tangled dirty blonde hair. She says in her crisp New York accent, “You are absolutely not wearing that….” and pulls off my hat, “…you’re covering your beautiful blue eyes and you look like a boy…..” She swans over to my closet and chooses the pink dress with the embroidered lace collar, “…you’re getting a special award today,” glaring at me with her lizard eyes, “and this isn’t a soccer trophy that everyone in the school gets. This is important.” I stare at her blankly and think, I would rather be climbing a very tall tree.

I pick up my doll from the floor which, until that point, I hadn’t noticed looked like me, small and imprisoned by femaleness, and throw her into the miniature sized cot. I slowly and obediently put on the disgusting pink dress. My mother impatiently waiting, looks me up and down, and says genuinely, "You look gorgeous." My left eye twitches and squints, a tick I have whenever I don't feel like myself.

After the awards ceremony, my friend visits my house and I encourage her to cut my doll's hair short like a boy and throw her clothes into the trash, leaving her naked on the bathroom floor.

My mother picked her up later, horrified. Am I pink and beautiful or is that who you think I’m supposed to be? 

***

Society loves to throw messages at us from the moment we are born: smile, be good, work hard, be polite. In a world inundated with expectations and the pressure to conform, maintaining a genuine connection with ourselves has become increasingly challenging.

The main idea for the week: we do not have to listen to those messages. We can decide who we want to be. The pursuit of authenticity is vital for our overall wellbeing and personal fulfillment.

By embracing practices that promote self-awareness and genuine self-expression, we can foster a deeper sense of authenticity within ourselves.

Here is a very helpful and proven technique you can use when you want to foster deeper self-awareness.

This technique can be used especially when you are having difficult emotions that you want to lessen so you can be a calmer, more authentic, version of yourself.

It's called R-A-I-N created by psychologist Tara Brach.

R = RECOGNISE

We recognize and acknowledge the thoughts, experiences and emotions that are happening in this moment. It's waking up to the story we might be stuck in. It's finding words for the thoughts and emotions we are experiencing.

What's here now? What's going on? See if you can name the thoughts and feelings that are happening in the moment. Okay I'm feeling frustrated about what just happened. Or, I'm noticing some sadness.

A = ALLOW

Allow the experience to be there just as it is, without pushing them away, or trying to fix them or avoid them. You don't have to like what's there. It's normal to not want to feel distress. Make room for these uncomfortable thoughts or feelings.

You can experiment by saying, it's okay, I can make room for this. Welcome. It's turning toward the experience

I = INVESTIGATE

Bring a kind and curious attention to what you are experiencing. It's especially paying attention to how this feels in the body. Spend a few moments really paying attention to the felt experience. It's letting that part of you know that you are here.

N = NUTURE

Asking, what do I really need right now?

Being able to give yourself what you really need to move forward in a healthy way. sending into what that tender and vulnerable side to you needs most and start by offering kind gestures or caring, supportive words.

You can mentally whisper supportive words to yourself like, I am safe. Or, I'm here for you. Or, I know you're doing your best.

Physical gestures can be helpful too, like placing one or both hands on your heart.

Here is more info about RAIN.

And finally, here is a RAIN meditation that I have found very helpful:

Sending you all so much love,

Meagan

As always you can connect with me on @megandtheboys