Remembering you're not superhuman

I never heard Dad ask for help, not once, in his entire sixty-three-year-old life. Until this moment in October, the bitter air seeped through the window and tiny goosebumps crawled up my arm. The phone rang for the tenth time. Normally he would only call this much when he was drunk, but for some reason I had a feeling this time might be different.

I hadn’t even said hello and he started talking, very loudly, his voice breaking like a cracked sidewalk, “Please, I need help. Can you come get me?” He promised he was sober but I could hear the clicking of his tongue on the roof of his mouth - a tell-tale sign he was a bottle deep.

This one-sided love eating away at my insides like flies chomping on rotten fruit, he never calls me like this, so I tapped the mute button on my phone and turned towards my partner and asked, “It sounds like my Dad is really struggling. Should we go get him?” My eyebrows twitched uncontrollably when I said this, white blood cells filled with guilt clots.

Despite the hatred for Dad that was collecting like dead skin in the corner of my mind, I was, in a very weird way, proud that he was finally asking for help. Likewise in this moment, I suddenly realised this very obvious point, and the main idea for this week:

Asking for help is a crucial part of feeling well.

And what a surprise this is (!), asking for help has proven positive effects. This has been researched on a number of studies, and it makes total sense that asking for help does the following:

1. Reduces stress and emotional burden: By sharing the weight of your challenges with others you are better able to gain a fresh perspective and find support from others who may have experienced similar situations.

2. Provides a sense of connection: Reminding you that you're not alone in your struggles and that others care about your wellbeing. This sense of connection contributes to feelings of belonging, empathy, and understanding.

3. Offers different perspectives and solutions: Others may offer insights, suggestions, or experiences you haven't considered, expanding your options for addressing your concerns. This can lead to more effective creative problem-solving and solutions.

4. Builds resilience and self-awareness: You acknowledge that you can't handle everything on your own, which is a sign of strength, not weakness. It allows you to develop resilience and adaptability by learning from others' experiences and integrating their support into your coping strategies. Additionally, seeking help promotes self-awareness as you reflect on your own needs and recognise when it's time to seek assistance.

5. Enhances personal growth and learning: You open yourself up to new opportunities for growth and learning. You may acquire new skills, gain knowledge, or develop a deeper understanding of yourself. This continuous process of growth can contribute to your overall mental well-being and personal development.

There was desperation in Dad's voice so I said to my partner, “Jukes, we should go get him and have him stay over for the night. He can sober up tonight and tomorrow and we can go for a walk on the beach.” Jukes nodded and I tapped the phone off mute, “Okay Dad, don’t worry, we’re going to come get you.”

At this stage, I want to highlight that it's important to remember asking for help doesn't always have to be in times of crisis. Whether it's from friends, family, therapists, or support groups, asking for help, whether it’s small or big, makes us stronger.

Now, the thing is, I know that asking for help is hard, especially when you feel like it is not important. But let me remind you, when you have a thought, visual, memory or just a sense that brings up that “I am alone” feeling, then it is time - it is time to ask for help.

Because guess what? Asking for help actually means you are strong as f*ck. 💪 

Asking for help means you had the courage to take action.

Most importantly, it’s not about the information / list of benefits above (although useful for validation), it’s about taking action. And to remind yourself that asking for help isn't something that makes you look weak. We have this idea as a society that we are better doing things on our own. It’s a lie. We are not.

We don't have to do things alone, we are a community, and we will be better now as a community than we would be individually. Side note: this really reminds me of the Al Pacino speech in Any Given Sunday.

A win for you is a win for me.

So here are 6 affirmations you can use to help you manifest the strength you may need to ask for help:

• My anxiety does not define me

• I accept myself for who I am

• I am in control of my happiness

• I release what no longer chooses me

• I accept that I can only control what I can control

• I am part of a wider community

Bonus here is a song to start your weekend with a Friday dance (which by the way has many positive effects for your wellbeing), and is also just fun and empowering. Be free, no judgments:

Sending you all so much love,

Meagan

as always, if you want to connect, you can find me on @megandtheboysyou