The Mirror is a Scary Place

The mirror is a scary place.

When I'm feeling down, it shows me everything I could have been and everything I don’t have. Honestly, I try to avoid them. Except right now: swaying back and forth between the bathroom and bedroom, like a climber’s rope searching for the person they need to help up the mountain, getting ready for a night out with friends.

Tonight whatever I decide to wear will not be right. Whatever thought that arrives in my mind will not be helpful. Today is not the day, I am spiralling.

I finish putting my face on. This face is not so different from my normal face, except that it is more stoic and conceals all emotion. It can fend off the grit of smarmy judgements that are not mine to absorb, until it reaches the end of the night when the edges of this face start to crumble like an old band aid that needs to be ripped off. (strength, I realise, needs to come from within)

A final look in the mirror, and I swiftly leave the house as my mind wanders back to this feeling of “not being good enough.” My parents were both the type of people who could put on a beautiful show. Dad, with his smooth Scottish accent, would tell grand, edge-of-your-seat stories sprinkled with jokes and Mom would charmingly act them out with her hands and her body. I was always the quiet child at the back of the class, so I told myself I could never be like them.

As I grew into a young woman I continued to compare myself to my extrovert parents, my good-looking friends, and ambitious colleagues and continued to believe I was, in fact, this quiet and small version of myself I created in my head, despite the evidence this wasn’t true.

Through therapy and Emma Gage (highly recommend) I discovered this belief was because of past trauma that was never resolved or spoken of because I buried them deep. We tapped into the moments and thoughts that were taking up space, and one by one, we popped them.

By digging into this past trauma I was able to create a deeper awareness of how they were impacting me now.

What I came to realise is, (and the main idea for this week)

One: you can be quietly confident

Two: we manifest who we are in relation to our external environment like parents, social circles, environment, culture as well as - and this is the most important point - our internal environment, who I believe I am in my mind.

Now I know:

👉🏻 I do not need to give weight to these negative beliefs.

👉🏻 I have the ability to decide who I want to be.

It's not always perfect but now when I look in the mirror, I am able to see something more authentically me.

So yes, the mirror is a scary place, especially on those down days, and that is okay. We are human, we are not perfect. But looking in the mirror, really looking at the person staring back at you and accepting them fully, flaws and all, can also be a very powerful practice.

And lo and behold, research finds that mirror practice can promote positive mental health and self-acceptance.

And before we jump into the practices, let me just caveat, I’m not going to say self-acceptance and understanding can happen after practising it a few times in the mirror, this is a lifetime journey (which I am on with you).

But, for now, here are some mirror practices you can test out:

But, here are some mirror practices you can test out:

• Practice self-compassion: Instead of focusing on perceived flaws or criticising yourself. Offer kind and understanding words to yourself, just as you would to a dear friend. Mantra to use: I am worthy of love and acceptance.

• Practice affirmations: Use the mirror as a tool to speak positive affirmations to yourself. Look into your own eyes and repeat affirming statements, such as "I am enough," "I am deserving of love and happiness," or "I embrace my unique qualities." Repeat these affirmations daily to reinforce positive self-beliefs.

• Practice gratitude: While looking in the mirror, express gratitude for your body and its capabilities. Focus on the things you appreciate about yourself, such as your physical strength, your smile, or any other qualities that you value. Cultivating gratitude can foster a sense of self-acceptance and contentment.

• Engage in self-reflection: Take a few moments to reflect on your emotions, thoughts, and experiences as you look in the mirror. Use this time to check in with yourself and gain insight into your inner state. Allow any feelings or thoughts that arise to be acknowledged without judgement.

• Smile at yourself: Give yourself a genuine smile when looking in the mirror. Smiling can help boost your mood, reduce stress, and enhance feelings of positivity. By smiling at yourself, you reinforce self-acceptance and create a positive connection with your reflection.

• Practice body positivity: Challenge negative body thoughts and focus on appreciating your body for what it allows you to do rather than solely focusing on appearance. Acknowledge and celebrate the functionality and strength of your body, and let go of unrealistic societal standards.

• Engage in self-care rituals: Utilise the mirror as a reminder to engage in self-care activities. Whether it's applying skincare products, practising gentle grooming, or any other self-care routines, use this time to pamper yourself and nurture your well-being.

• Embrace vulnerability: Allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of the mirror. Express your emotions, whether it's through tears, laughter, or any other genuine feelings. The mirror can be a safe space for emotional expression and acceptance.

Bonus here are two beautiful, inspirational songs for. A great Friday boogie in front of the mirror (or if you're not ready, just a little dance in your bedroom to kick off the weekend in self-acceptance, no judgements):

Double bonus here is a beautiful poet called Nikita Gill that is both inspirational and healing, I would highly recommend following:

Sending so much love to you all,

Meg

As always, if you want to connect or follow me to stay up to date, you can find me here @megantheboys

(also just want to let everyone know, all of the links I put in here are my own ideas and practices I have tried myself, there are zero links associated with affiliates and it will continue to stay this way)

And in case you missed the previous week’s ideas, placing them here for exploration: